Negativity, by a Pessimist

This is a thought in progress.

I have been a pessimist ever since I knew what that meant. And a touch fatalist and nihilist to boot. I have also been of the firm opinion that it is this negativity that gives any meaning and importance to the transient happiness that flits in and out of our lives like the dreams of dating Pamela Anderson! lol..

But seriously, had it not been for the all pervasive negative energy, we would not have been eternally running after the happy shit. The yin and yang, matter and anti-matter, positron and electron all exist to justify the other half's existence. But I digress (I do that often, running off on tangents and hyperbolas).

The point I as trying to make is that I am soaked in negativity and all things associated with it. Heck, I am left-handed even - the classic negative example. So inspite of all of this, I suddenly came to realize that I have been consistently creating negative energy around me by mouthing off. See,I talk too much anyway and that means talk too much negativity.

Pointed criticism of my employer, contracting firm, salary, friends, ex-girlfriends, colleagues, India, Pratibha Patil, America, Bush, the new hot chick at work (what you can't get, you pretend is bad anyway), the list of things to spew venom about is endless. I realized that I have been drawn into these vacuous conversations all because of needing to to spend time here (see my post about the work-feed-sleep repeat routine - Life aboard a Spaceship). An idle mind is the devil's workshop - spot on!

So, I have made a conscious decision to quit (or rather minimize) talking about the negative highlights of our mundane daily existence. Not only does it give me a convenient excuse to be quiet in public conversations, I do not end up being drawn into the vicious circle of repeatedly bashing things we can't control or those people who are not around but also saves me energy and lets me focus on doing other things (reading thru Shantaram is one).

I am not sure if this is the right thing to do and how long can I sustain it, but I am going to turn a little more introspective and see what comes of it. Like a said, it's a thought in progress and I am going to let it wander.