Thursday, October 16, 2008

Questions?

Who needs whom?
Who doesn't?

What's wrong?
What isnt?

Whaddya want?
What do I don't want?

Where's the love?
What love?

Where are you?
Where's who where?

M&M

Movies are fascinating, amazing, incredulous, riveting, storytelling, inspiring.
Music - ditto.

So when you have Movies about Music, it's better than bonus on a payday, better than surprise twins, better than life after death, better than Trinity giving life to Neo.

On the radio today, they spoke about a certain Mr. Cash recording some songs in a prison and they comin' up with a CD or two and DVD about it. Come evening, and I pop in Walk The Line into the DVD player. It had been lying there for days, so why today, I ask. There aren't no coincidences in life.

Music, Love, Life. Movies on legendary lives have happy endings. Does life?
M&M's. Keeping the hope alive. Hope floats. So do I. There is supposed to be happy ending, right? Say Yes.

Monday, October 06, 2008

Post Facto

All my posts here are questions. That's because I tend to introspect a lot and ask myself these questions. But those questions don't seem to lead nowhere. And I am sure I am not looking for answers every time.

One of those questions led me to pick up pieces of my own self and move on. I figured this is what was destined and happened for a reason. You _try_ to understand the reason and move on.

We are not here to ask questions actually. We are just here to understand the answers. The sooner you understand, the sooner life poses the next question for you.

Someone asked me, "Are you OK? What you write is really sad." I said, "I am fine". Sad is me. Kurt Cobain said, "I miss the comfort in being sad". I like to interpret that to my advantage, however incorrect it may be. Happiness is fleeting, sadness is eternal.

At the end of it all - the questions are trying to help me find my path. I am lost.

Question

Trinity tells Neo, "It's the question that drives us".

I question everything.
Is my existence justified?
What am I doing here?
Why am I even here?


Have you ever sat face to face with someone or thought about sitting face to face, and not saying anything? In movies, there a soothing symphony playing, when it comes to me - a raucous cacophony - What am I doing here? Is this stare game going to end? There's that report to finsh still. Do I make enough money? Does she love me? Is this too much like the movies, but just more meaningless? What is she thinking?

May be I should really meditate. Maybe I should focus on whats important. Maybe I am waiting for someone to tell me that. I am sure I will not listen to that person. May be I should figure it out. Maybe I am should just trudge along. Maybe I should be happy. Maybe I should be less me.

It's the question that drives us. What's the question? What?

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

Confused

This might explain a bit of the "confused" attribute in my profile.

Two distinct sections in my life - work life and personal life. Notice how the work part comes first.. Well, that has been a bane but its the relatively pre-dominant section of of recent past, what with my personal life going for a toss. So, what's confusing at work?

What activities to prioritize? (all the Project Management training and still no where)
What to delegate and not to?
Whom to delegate?
How does this make sense?
What is driving this policy?
What are my chances of getting promoted?
Why can't some one do something about the roads (in Pune)? and the traffic?
Is this salary decent or am I missing out?
Will I ever get out of the rat race?
What am I doing here?
Where do I want to go with this?

What's confusing in personal life?
How do you trust some one?
How do you know love is for real?
Is there a metric system to grade friendships? Facebook? orkut?
How do I avoid saying Yes to people? (I know, I should read some books on being able to say "No", that might help in a way)
How to nicely handle parents? and sister?
How do you get someone to take a hint, or not?
How do you prioritize you RTM to-do list?
Should I get the iPhone or not?

And I am not sure why I started this post at 12 in the night thinnking about someone and it ended up being enitrely different..

They say it goes with being a Virgo.. not that I ever cared about it, or may be I did, or didn't! ;)

Confused? I am..

Saturday, April 26, 2008

What does it mean?

Solitary musings
Solitary lunches
Solitary laughs
Solitary pleasures
Solitude unwanted

Unwanted memories
Unsolved questions
Uncharted territory
Undone good life

Lifelong irritation
Lifeless existence
Life no longer one

One day at a time
One thought not escaping me

Me minus

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Fear

What do you fear the most or what *is* fear? Not in the mundane sense of getting fired or falling off a cliff, but the fear so fearful that you cannot confide about it to anyone; Something that uniquely defines you and your emotions.

Is fear your inner demons? For the longest time, I have feared my sub-conscience the most. The things it conjures up are scarier than any spine chilling horror movie I have attempted to sit thru. And it has got company too. My over-imaginative imagination. There's a reason why it is called "image"nation. It conjures up pictures where you don't want none. It only serves to feed my sub-conscience into dreaming up a Ramsay-Spielberg joint venture.

With introspection being my favorite indulgence, these two factors (inner demos & imagination) routinely crop in my thought process. If not only to muddle the thinking, but to also send me into trips of melancholy. The pride that I associated with my thinking is now a sense of foreboding. An invitation to the inner demons to lay siege to me and wait till I cave in. It is only in a clutchful of friends can I see solace and climb out of the hole that I dig myself into.

But this is a war of attrition, I think. Everyday is a struggle to keep the demons at bay and everyday is a fresh challenge. And everyday, I think, a bit of me never comes out of that hole. I think my obsession with what happens at the age of 27 may soon catch up with me. I hope not though. It will be too easy and escapist to cave in. But I will take it one day at a time. I hope to get a huge dollop of solace soon, but then again, it may not be coming.

...that voice inside my head gets stronger...