Fear

What do you fear the most or what *is* fear? Not in the mundane sense of getting fired or falling off a cliff, but the fear so fearful that you cannot confide about it to anyone; Something that uniquely defines you and your emotions.

Is fear your inner demons? For the longest time, I have feared my sub-conscience the most. The things it conjures up are scarier than any spine chilling horror movie I have attempted to sit thru. And it has got company too. My over-imaginative imagination. There's a reason why it is called "image"nation. It conjures up pictures where you don't want none. It only serves to feed my sub-conscience into dreaming up a Ramsay-Spielberg joint venture.

With introspection being my favorite indulgence, these two factors (inner demos & imagination) routinely crop in my thought process. If not only to muddle the thinking, but to also send me into trips of melancholy. The pride that I associated with my thinking is now a sense of foreboding. An invitation to the inner demons to lay siege to me and wait till I cave in. It is only in a clutchful of friends can I see solace and climb out of the hole that I dig myself into.

But this is a war of attrition, I think. Everyday is a struggle to keep the demons at bay and everyday is a fresh challenge. And everyday, I think, a bit of me never comes out of that hole. I think my obsession with what happens at the age of 27 may soon catch up with me. I hope not though. It will be too easy and escapist to cave in. But I will take it one day at a time. I hope to get a huge dollop of solace soon, but then again, it may not be coming.

...that voice inside my head gets stronger...